A new report to be released on Tuesday casts doubt on the ability of the NHS to prevent the feckless population that uses it from growing needlessly tall.
The report shows that whilst the average height of all people in the UK with access to free-at-the-point-of-delivery healthcare is 5 feet and 4 inches, there are only a handful of people who actually measure that height to the precise thousandth of an inch.
A staggering 32.6 million people are taller than would be expected by Government Ministers undertaking remedial statistics lessons and who expect anything above the average to be somehow unusual, especially if it serves their political purpose.
It was also revealed that some feckless individuals were over 20% taller than the average at 6 foot 2 inches. They blamed the last Labour government for allowing some NHS patients to needlessly grow as tall as 6 foot 7 inches.
'I can't believe that for years that Andy Burnham fellow allowed all this needless stuff. I bet they had to buy bigger beds from those European beaurocrats and stuff' said Mrs Doris Karloff from Stoke.
Ian Duncan Smith bravely asserted that his plans to reintroduce scurvy and rickets would go some way to improving the situation. Adding 'what is a median on a bell curve anyway?'
Meanwhile a separate report concludes that 50% of all politicians and journalists are needlessly evil.
